Give Away Grace Like You're Oprah

Last week I was texting with a friend that I had hung out with that morning. It started with me basically apologizing for never seeing her.

“I missed you so much, why can’t I see you everyday!?”

To which I replied “I know! I’ve been so bad as a friend lately, I feel like I never make time for anyone.”

“Oh shut up! Everyone’s so busy. I’m pretty sure I’m the one who’s cancelled on you a million times.”

You guys, this is such a normal conversation for me. And normal feelings. There’s just not enough hours in the day or days in the week to do everything I want to do or see who I want to see. And I’m hard on myself about it. I always feel so bad about the time that passes between each visit with my friends. Why am I not better about managing my time? Surely I can do it all right? I should have plenty of time to work, be a wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, keep our house clean, run all the errands, feed my family, you get the idea.. 

I don’t think I’m alone in these feelings. I’m pretty sure you read that and thought, me too! Why can’t I do it all? Or maybe not. Maybe you’ve been there already and figured out that you can’t do it all and it’s ok to slow down. That it’s ok to be in a season where you just can’t fit everything in and it’s important to prioritize what you do. I’m getting there.

I remember right after having Piper feeling like I HAD to do all the things! I had to be at every event or get-together. I had to constantly hang out with all my friends. And then I became so overwhelmed and drained and just exhausted trying to keep up because I didn’t want to be left out. As I slowly started to say no to things I felt terrible. Everyone understood and was fine with it, except for me. I still felt like I needed to be here or there or see everyone all the time and if I didn’t I wasn’t a good friend or I would be excluded on the next event. It was honestly crazy that I let myself think that way.

I’m getting to a place now where I say no a lot. And I do still feel bad, but nothing like I used to feel. This is the season we are in. A season that’s filled to the brim with commitments that I can’t bail on. Being a wife and mom are my most important commitments and the two things I happily choose to put first. Then there’s work and that’s not something I can say no to right now. So unfortunately that means I miss out on a lot of fun things with friends during the week. But also on the weekends or evenings because when I’m not working I just want to be with my family. It’s taken me a long time, but I finally feel like I’m doing a better job at balancing my time and saying no without feeling like my world is going to end. (Dramatic much?)

That being said, I DO still wish I had more time. I’m sure I’m not the only one that looks back at the pre-kid life and reminisces a little at all the time I had with my friends. So even though this season of life is my hands down, absolute favorite season ever, it’s still hard sometimes to be okay with how it’s just different. There’s just not endless time for people anymore. And it’s ok. Because really, all of my friends are in the same boat. Being an adult can really suck sometimes! Ha! We are all so busy with life and it’s different for all of us. Just an example- last weekend we went to the beach with some friends. You guys, the 4 of us friends LITERALLY had the date on the calendar 2 months in advance because it was the very first day that all of us were free. And even with all that planning one person still ended up having to cancel at the very last minute. This is what life is like in this season.

There are jobs, and marriages and boatloads of kids. Like seriously, they are EVERYWHERE. There’s so many of them between my friends and I that even when we do hang out it’s rare to complete one conversation without a million distractions. But it’s beautiful because we are all in it together. We are in the thick of adulthood and babies and jobs and marriages and when we all let go a little we understand each other. I feel like we are a lot quicker to give out grace to our friends when plans get cancelled, or postponed or changed, but SO hard on ourselves when we are the ones that have to do the changing. So can I just encourage you to extend yourself some grace in whatever season you are in? No matter where you are at I promise you, YOU deserve some grace from yourself.

That conversation I had last week with one of my closest friends was an eye-opener for me. We are both in the weeds right now, but we are in it together. She’s got a whole herd of kids (and they are the BEST herd haha) and one with medical issues that just bring on the stress for a mama. And me over here with work and my family- and we are just trying to make time to fit it all in. Too much time passes between our face-to-face moments, and honestly too much time between text messages too. But when we do finally have an hour to see each other it’s so refreshing! And yet, there we were afterwards basically apologizing for not being better friends to each other. But we ended that conversation in a way that just inspired me and let me know that it’s ok to not have time for it all.

Her- “I missed you so much, why can’t I see you everyday!?”

Me- “I know! I’ve been so bad as a friend lately, I feel like I never make time for anyone.”

Her- “Oh shut up! Everyone’s so busy. I’m pretty sure I’m the one who’s cancelled on you a million times.”

Me- “We all feel like we are failing when we aren’t.”

Her- “You know what? You are so right! Let’s give ourselves more grace.”

Me- “Yesss. Hand it out like Halloween candy. Or like Oprah! Grace for you! Grace for you! You get some grace! And you get some grace!”

*Insert meme of Oprah yelling that she’s giving cars out to everyone because this particular friendship is 90% funny memes*

It was funny in the moment, but most of all it was true. Swap out cars with grace and let’s all strive to be givers like Oprah. We need to give out grace freely to people we care about. We are all so busy and just trying our best. But mostly, make sure you give yourself the grace you don’t think you deserve, because I promise you, you deserve it.

Xoxo, Jena